Luis Suarez Officially Leaves Liverpool Fc

Bye bye nutmegs king.

Bye bye nutmegs king.

Liverpool football club have officially announced through their website that Luis suarez will be leaving the club to join barcelona and the messi entourage.As a football and English language expert, I have to say it is the wrong move for Luis Suarez. Players who become stars at liverpool or improve tremendously seems to conveniently forget that the anfield atmosphere has something to do with their success. Most stars who leave anfield often never replicate the same form they had at liverpool in their new clubs. Look at Owen, Torres, Babel, Rush, Titi camara… (Titi camara?) While wishing suarez all the best, I doubt he will be as good as he was at anfield where every ball near the penalty area was sent to him, just ask torres. Nonetheless, we loved his hard work and determination and as always, Liverpool will replace him so effortlessly that people will soon be asking where was that player (the one that replaces suarez) before. Liverpool have always been good at replacing strikers although very poor in all other departments. So, do not worry about who will replace suarez, the guy is already out there, waiting to become the new kop idle.

This move has helped arsenal acquire Sanchez as a striker so arsenal fan should thank liverpool. Liverpool demanded a lot of money up front and for Barcerona to get it, they had to sell someone to get that cash and sanchez was possibly the only desirable guy from the Nou camp after the terrible performance of the other Spanish players at the world-cup. luis Suarez will now have to compete for attention with the likes of messi, neymer and iniesta while as at liverpool, he competed with the like of sterling, Sturridge and Coutinho. That is a fight especially after Messi exploits at worldcup, but Suarez is a street fighter so he will fight. During his three and a half years with liverpool Suarez missed almost twenty games through suspension first for allegedly racially insulting Evra, then for biting Ivanovic and showing fulham fans the finger. He is currently serving a four months ban from all football activities due to another biting incidence

In a statement to the club website, suarez said:

“It is with a heavy heart that I leave Liverpool for a new life and new challenges in Spain. Both me and my family have fallen in love with this club and with the city.

“But most of all I have fallen in love with the incredible fans. You have always supported me and we, as a family, will never forget it, we will always be Liverpool supporters.

“I hope you can all understand why I have made this decision. This club did all they could to get me to stay, but playing and living in Spain, where my wife’s family live, is a lifelong dream and ambition. I believe now the timing is right.

“I wish Brendan Rodgers and the team well for the future. The club is in great hands and I’m sure will be successful again next season.

“I am very proud I have played my part in helping to return Liverpool to the elite of the Premier League and in particular back into the Champions League.

“Thank you again for some great moments and memories. You’ll Never Walk Alone.”

The Only problem for Liverpool now is how to spend something like 200 million English pounds. That is the 70-80 they received for Suarez and all that money they earned last season. Adios Amigo.

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Cord Idle thugs, hungry journalist , Thieves And Their Leaders

saba saba

saba saba

It was such a low tech affair that it is even embarrassing to say anything about it. There was one woman politician… I wont call her a bitch, that is not my style, other people may have such a style but not me and do not ask me why, I simply do not believe in the concept of calling a woman a bitch, so, this woman she stood up and said, forgive the paraphrasing: “they were threatening to sack you from your jobs if you do not attend them and I ask from which jobs can they suck you if you are not employed?” The crowd cheered madly being a crowd of Idlers that would have cheered anything even the rape of a minor.

What that woman implied was that the cord gathering was a gathering of idlers, thieves, rapist, tax collectors, hungry, voracious journalist and what have you. Do not ask me what I was doing there myself for i was not really there. God! I was passing through on my way to somewhere important and financially enriching which is why I can not tell you much of what happened thereafter or which cord sheep said what. I have been made aware that Kalonzo Musyoka insulted priests and pastors who had prayed and since I am not a fan of these lazy men of cloth I can only applaud Kalonzo for that although I have also been made aware that he is a born again sheep and if this is the case, then what he said is definitely out of character which is not unusual.

Again to that woman politician, whom I simply refuse to call a bitch due to my character and not her character. Her message was not anything new. The people who do business in Nairobi CBD knew beforehand that the cord meeting happening at saba saba day would be a meeting of idle thugs and thieves and took the precaution of shutting their businesses. This was not the case along river road where business was bristling and buzzling as usual.

well, cord and their idle thugs and leaders had their day at uhuru park. They were given a media black out which they have earned due to their ugly way and that is it. We all wonder what all the hullabaloo was all about. Is that all raila and his ilks had or did we miss something?

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Machakos Governor Making Everyone Look Bad

model president

model president

Today, he is launching a road that was made in three months at half the cost, the next day he is launching a public clean toilet that to make even matters worse is free, yet the jubilee government (due to CORD stupidity and arrogance) is yet to deliver on the laptop.

shit there as you eat there

shit there as you eat there

Then before we can say hay, he goes ahead and get himself a sparkling hot new girlfriend or fiance while as the other fellows are all stuck with their old tires and the only way they can get any joy is through Mpango wa kando and koinange street beauties.

His Sparkling CV has an art side too for, believe it or not you lazy bum, he is the fellow who created that NTV thing called Beba Beba. Although he ran on a cord ticket you wouldn’t know it due to the exemplary manner he carries himself and actually does things for the people he represent which can not be said about Raila and luos or kalonzo and kambas or well….

yeah, that sparkling new girl is his.

yeah, that sparkling new girl is his.

To put it into perspective, what has Raila done for the luo although to be fair these lakeside fellows seems to need no one help to rise to the very top, be it oscar winners, presidents of big nations, worldcup players et al except for the thousand of idiotic idle youth high on morphine and marijuana following raila around like maggots hovering over a stinking dead body. More importantly, what did Kibaki do for kikuyu when he was the president?

As soon as he was elected Governor, in a landslide dare I say, he bought police vehicles for his counties while the other cronies were celebrating and going on stupid trip. We hope they won’t harm this president material guy because he is making them look bad. Of cause he will never outshine Jesus. That we know. and we know that because he has a wife or a girl.

Alfred Mutua for the information of the idiotic marijuana taker who may have no clue is the governor for machakos county where things are happening, also home to the techno city that might one day be found in kenya, yaani Konza city. It is such a shame that prostitutes and sodom and gomora materials had to go there in the name of sevens rugby

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Raila Says: “Our deadline for dialogue is Saba Saba Day”.

This fellow...

This fellow…

So say Raila, aka the people president, that is the people of luo. Now, here are a few question for this old fellow, what happens after the deadline?

1.Will food prices be reduced to nil or will food actually become unavailable to anyone without the number of the beast ?

2. What will happen to those fellows who live in rented houses? will the rent be abolished and paid by the white people whom you worship?

3. And “Nusu mkate” do you think you will get it and once again be blamed half way for all the ills that will befall this Uhuru government just as you are halfway blamed for all the ills that befell Kibaki’s government.

4. Will Machakos Governor aka ‘model president’ still be allowed to outshine everyone with his crazy projects that are always so successful embarrassing everyone especially you the people of luo president due to the fact that when you had power you did absolutely nothing for the people of luo? no one expected you to do anything for the people of kenya. Sorry.

5. Will you announce the immediate cancellation of the ICC cases since you are so powerful and connected with colonial powers and slaver aka the white people.

6. After this deadline, are we likely to see your portrait in Kenyan currency or maybe your statue hoisted high like Tom Mboya or that freedom fighter, real freedom fighter Dedan kimathi?

7.We have thing like Tom Mboya street, moi avenue, Kenyatta avenue, uhuru park, kimathi street… after this deadline, will we get to see something with a raila name, I am sure the white people can afford to pay for one statue if they can afford to pay for the transportation of all those idle youths, right?

8.What will happen? what will you gain? will a few more years be added to your life?

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Raila Odinga Aka The People’s President Is Back Yay! Yay! Yay!

welcome back Raila, aka The People's President. We missed YOU

welcome back Raila, aka The People’s President. We missed YOU

After Three months away in the land of milk and honey, Raila Odinga aka the people’s president, that is the people of nyanza and kibera, is back in the country and we all expect he won’t come empty handed. When a father goes to the forest, he is always expected back home with the spoils of the hunt and a mother always returns with wild fruits, roots and berries to the joy of the childen at home. We, the children at home, expect that from his sojourner he will come with goodies for even his nemesis Evans Kidero (the future people’s president if God has his way) returned with goodies when he went with the president to china so Raila should return with even more.

My food stock was running out and I am not even sure that I have enough for today and the rats and roaches residing in my residence also look up to me to provide their daily rations for it is me that God has sent them to and this issue has been stressing me for a while but now that Raila is back I can rest easy knowing that provision will be made for by this hero of mine and I wont go hungry. Hunger was about to be declared a national disaster in turkana but Raila timely arrival will avert that catastrophe for he will be happy to share what he came with with the residents of the oil rich turkana to prevent death as these fellows wait for their oil to be turned to gold. It must not be forgotten that Turkana fellows voted overwhelmingly for Raila and Raila is nice generous fellow who can not forget his friends in their time of need.

We are all sure that had Raila been in kenya during the dark times when Kenyans were dying across the country due to consumption of poisoned alcohol, it would not have occurred. Raila would never let such a thing happen in his watch. NEVER! even if it was planned and excuted by powerful beer makers in an effort to fight profits losses due to the consumption of cheap liquor at their expense. Raila would fight these greedy, soulless mimmions with his last breath.

So, welcome back MR. Raila odinga. Give fathery advice to president Uhuru and his deputy Ruto as they ran the government of Kenya which you should be commanding had God wanted so. And By the way did you meet that fellow who snobbed Kenya for wealth and sex, your cousin Obama? Is he still a slave to those vices and will he overcome them and visit kenya eventually so that we can feel the power of America (communication stopped) in our county? We want to see Sasha again, she is a beautiful girl full of peace and beautiful thoughts and like puppies unlike his warmonger father killing people with drones, can not even face them personally. And these fellows that you left in charge, they were threatening to impeach the president, they do not even know basic mathematics, you know that thing about two third majority.Even James the lawyer allowed them to utter such stupidity. SMH.

We are all sure that with your imminent return the advice given to old tourists will be lifted and they can come back to Mombasa and have joyful sex with our girls there and boys too for being gay is now a cool thing, our very own respected, award winning writer, Binyavanga Wainaia is gay He said so heimseld, imagine, without being forced although some people said money had been poured by Europeans. We hope while you were there you learnt something about why it is suddenly cool to be gay but hopefully you did not change your sexuality yourself for we are sure Ida would not like that, would she? And your brother, the one who live under your shadow (poor fellow) has been yapping as usual that someone want to kill you. He has not heard that story about the boy who cried wolf but since you know it for you are a man of stories like a good old grandfather, tell your brother that story, come to think of it, who would want to kill Raila while as he is no threat to anyone? Also talk some sense to your political mate Kalonzo, tell him that we (including you raila) are tribal animals who despise anyone who is not our tribe but we hide it for the sake of this and that. Tell him that all africans will be supporting African countries in the world cup because of our incurable racism and tribalism but we will still smile at our masters the white people. That guy, Kalonzo, insulted a kikuyu using his tribe and made us ashamed that he once was a vice president of Kenya

There is a lot to tell you Mr. Raila, but let us first welcome you back. welcome back bro!

PS. you can now marry a second and third and even fourth wife if you want, you know, so as to help distribute your wealth to others for the president of Kenya sighed into law a bill allowing men to marry as many women as they want just as God wanted it to be from the very first day. It is not just muslims who can have fun now. You should have seen women up in arm as if they did not like it and as if they did not know that their husband had mpango wa kando and constantly sneak in for a quick refresher on fresh vegetables with the house help when the official wife is sleeping or away to buy milk, they know that men need many girls and the girls need these men. That little inconvenience is out of the way now, if you were lucky to get a white girl, do not be afraid of coming back with her and giving us a nice surprise. It is now, thanks to Prezzo Uhuru, legal.

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Wait Until Mother Returns (Cord Baby Politicians)

These Guys...

These Guys…

When I was a child and I am sure it is the same case with a lot of people, if your older brother or sister molested you, you would say in a drugged voice: ‘I will come and tell mother’. by saying that, you acknowledged that whoever was harassing you was better and bigger than you and there is nothing you could do to defend yourself. You hoped that that threat would stop your prosecutor and persecutor from continuing with the harassment. Sometimes, that tactic worked while as at other times it did not work. Often, whether that tactic would deter your harasser depended on how tough a disciplinarian your mother was. I too suffered the same threat from my younger siblings but I never paid much attention to it because my mother was not a tough disciplinarian while as my father was so tough we never involved him at all, my father was such a tough disciplinarian that mother used him as a threat by saying: “I will tell your father” to which we would become as obedient as doves

When we went to school, this tactic went with us and it was: “wait until Mr. Karanja returns” or whoever the toughest teacher was. Sometimes we said: “I will tell the prefect” which depended on whether the said prefects had powers like the recently empowered county chiefs which has as a consequence caused such a wave of fury amongst the kenyan politician for lack of something to be furious and relevant about as if there is no laptops for kids not yet delivered, death from terrorist, deaths from killer brews, fleeing tourists with their dollars….

Now, what does all this has anything to do with anything? As if anything has anything to do with anything in this random world. But anyway, just to put some context and perspective into all this, last week, politician who currently ride on the cord bandwagon (we are sad to report that we do not know what bandwagon they will be riding tomorrow ) gathered in kibera (a Kenyan filthy slum adored by diplomats)Bony Khalwale the senator for kakamega county (a bushy semi-arid area in Kenya where male cows fight to entertain patrons) like mindless moths around a lump and issued threats. Yes, it is not just kids who issues threats. These old men politician whenever they issued a threat followed it with the rejoinder “wait until raila returns frOM US” the similarity with my childhood is I used to issue such threats. These politicians were behaving like i used to behave when i did not know how to clean my nose, never bothered to wipe my arse and urinated on my bed.

I am sad to report that I was ashamed of James, I thought this was his opportunity to shine in the absence of Raila pale shadow cast over all lakeside politician like a death stink. I was shocked to learn that these cord politicians can not do anything of their own accord and must wait for their old messiah to incite something. I pity their supporters. Pray how do they intend to impeach the president when they do not even have a simple majority in parliament or the senate yet for such an action you need two third majority? Why would they make their deluded supporters cheers something that will never happen? A revolution. Do these baby politician waiting for raila even know what the word mean? wait until raila returns. I guessed it is true what they say about lawyers and PHD holders.

In the meantime, President Uhuru Muigai Kenyatta, what is wrong with you man? Pay those billion discreetly for we clever fellows know that they mus be paid. Do not let the right hand know what the left hand is doing as that Jew book advice. Ok?

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Gikomba Blast Leaves Several Dead And Injured.

Gikomba has been beset by woes of late such as this fire of last week

Gikomba has been beset by woes of late such as this fire of last week

Barely a day after the Kenyan government rebuked and told off Britain, the United States, France and Australia for advicing their citizen to stay away from Kenya while at the same time evacuating those who wished to leave two blasts have left several people dead at Gikomba market in the kenya capital city Nairobi

No one has claimed responsibility yet but it is expected that Somalia militia group al shabaab are to blame as they continue to push for the kenyan troop to leave Somalia so that they can continue with their decadent ways.

Such attacks have become common place in Kenya now and a week barely goes without an attack happening or being stopped from happening. The blast was from a 14-Seater psv and from within the market. a police spokesman told news fellows that they suspected the blast was caused by improvised explosive devises which was quite a novel piece of information. the Red Cross said more than 10 people were hospitalized with very bad injuries.

The kenyan government has continue to hide behind the banner of the claim that terrorism or such militia attacks were global events and issues and that the government should not be heavily criticised when such attacks happens. In hindsight, just as the western governments will tell their citizen that they told them so concerning the warning they issued, the kenyan government will find further justification for its operation to rid the country of people in it illegally. Such operations have been going on for a while with complaints from some that people of somalian ethnicity were being targeted.

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