welcome back Raila, aka The People’s President. We missed YOU
After Three months away in the land of milk and honey, Raila Odinga aka the people’s president, that is the people of nyanza and kibera, is back in the country and we all expect he won’t come empty handed. When a father goes to the forest, he is always expected back home with the spoils of the hunt and a mother always returns with wild fruits, roots and berries to the joy of the childen at home. We, the children at home, expect that from his sojourner he will come with goodies for even his nemesis Evans Kidero (the future people’s president if God has his way) returned with goodies when he went with the president to china so Raila should return with even more.
My food stock was running out and I am not even sure that I have enough for today and the rats and roaches residing in my residence also look up to me to provide their daily rations for it is me that God has sent them to and this issue has been stressing me for a while but now that Raila is back I can rest easy knowing that provision will be made for by this hero of mine and I wont go hungry. Hunger was about to be declared a national disaster in turkana but Raila timely arrival will avert that catastrophe for he will be happy to share what he came with with the residents of the oil rich turkana to prevent death as these fellows wait for their oil to be turned to gold. It must not be forgotten that Turkana fellows voted overwhelmingly for Raila and Raila is nice generous fellow who can not forget his friends in their time of need.
We are all sure that had Raila been in kenya during the dark times when Kenyans were dying across the country due to consumption of poisoned alcohol, it would not have occurred. Raila would never let such a thing happen in his watch. NEVER! even if it was planned and excuted by powerful beer makers in an effort to fight profits losses due to the consumption of cheap liquor at their expense. Raila would fight these greedy, soulless mimmions with his last breath.
So, welcome back MR. Raila odinga. Give fathery advice to president Uhuru and his deputy Ruto as they ran the government of Kenya which you should be commanding had God wanted so. And By the way did you meet that fellow who snobbed Kenya for wealth and sex, your cousin Obama? Is he still a slave to those vices and will he overcome them and visit kenya eventually so that we can feel the power of America (communication stopped) in our county? We want to see Sasha again, she is a beautiful girl full of peace and beautiful thoughts and like puppies unlike his warmonger father killing people with drones, can not even face them personally. And these fellows that you left in charge, they were threatening to impeach the president, they do not even know basic mathematics, you know that thing about two third majority.Even James the lawyer allowed them to utter such stupidity. SMH.
We are all sure that with your imminent return the advice given to old tourists will be lifted and they can come back to Mombasa and have joyful sex with our girls there and boys too for being gay is now a cool thing, our very own respected, award winning writer, Binyavanga Wainaia is gay He said so heimseld, imagine, without being forced although some people said money had been poured by Europeans. We hope while you were there you learnt something about why it is suddenly cool to be gay but hopefully you did not change your sexuality yourself for we are sure Ida would not like that, would she? And your brother, the one who live under your shadow (poor fellow) has been yapping as usual that someone want to kill you. He has not heard that story about the boy who cried wolf but since you know it for you are a man of stories like a good old grandfather, tell your brother that story, come to think of it, who would want to kill Raila while as he is no threat to anyone? Also talk some sense to your political mate Kalonzo, tell him that we (including you raila) are tribal animals who despise anyone who is not our tribe but we hide it for the sake of this and that. Tell him that all africans will be supporting African countries in the world cup because of our incurable racism and tribalism but we will still smile at our masters the white people. That guy, Kalonzo, insulted a kikuyu using his tribe and made us ashamed that he once was a vice president of Kenya
There is a lot to tell you Mr. Raila, but let us first welcome you back. welcome back bro!
PS. you can now marry a second and third and even fourth wife if you want, you know, so as to help distribute your wealth to others for the president of Kenya sighed into law a bill allowing men to marry as many women as they want just as God wanted it to be from the very first day. It is not just muslims who can have fun now. You should have seen women up in arm as if they did not like it and as if they did not know that their husband had mpango wa kando and constantly sneak in for a quick refresher on fresh vegetables with the house help when the official wife is sleeping or away to buy milk, they know that men need many girls and the girls need these men. That little inconvenience is out of the way now, if you were lucky to get a white girl, do not be afraid of coming back with her and giving us a nice surprise. It is now, thanks to Prezzo Uhuru, legal.