Kenya’s teachers are always in constant friction with successful Kenyan governments since Daniel Moi’s time. The teachers, that pantheon of morals and such things, always stay on their corner without budging until the government bows to their demands. The government, synonymous worldwide for persistent persecution of the weak, does not however, do everything the teacher wants and the consequences are often grave.
Since I am the anointed voice of the voiceless and I have to say what the voiceless cannot say or are unwilling to say, I will point out what I see as the five ugliest effects of these teacher’s strikes.
1. Teens’ pregnancies will shoot to the stars.
I am sure you know this. You, parent whose teenage girl is at home and you have refused to talk to her about sex for fear of shame or whatever it is that make parents dread so much touching the taboo subject of sex will rue your stupidity. Come-on, it is just dicks and pussies…and boobs and maybe lips. That is all there is to sex. Talk to your daughter. No, you do not have to talk to the son; sons do not fall pregnant and H.I.V-aids is nothing to be afraid of. A question that governments and parents should ask themselves is: what are their teenagers’ daughters and sons doing with all this free time? The simple, hypocritical answer is they are studying
studiously in preparation for the upcoming end of year exams but the more likely answer and the less hypocritical one is they are engaging in intimate conversation with their opposite sex mates and some of those conversation are naturally leading to wet, wet, wet sex and since condom are tiresome and itchy and have that disgusting rubbery smell, these teenagers are excusing themselves from using the condoms and are thus impregnating and getting impregnated. We cannot for a certainty say they are not engaging in gay sex, animal sex and tools sex as well. What with all the free porn freely available from the safety of an iphone. From the time you are ten up to when you are forty sex and the joys of sex is the only thing that lingers in your mind. If you are a boy, you close your eyes and you see bulbous boobs suffocating you as they drip fluids of love and when you are a girl you… well, you feel hard things in you and…well, you get the drift. These teenage girls will not get impregnated by just their teenager counterparts, no, no, there are older men out there who are dripping saliva at the sight of these school girls in their school miniskirts and they cannot wait to lay their hands on them.
As these old fuckers bang these hapless teenage girls, they will be saying: “my daughter is possibly receiving this shit too, right? No my daughter is a good Christian girl” So, dear parents and teachers, do not act surprised when half the girl kids do not turn up next term.
2. Abortions will be procured left right and centerThis one needs no doctor of philosophy to figure out. As a direct consequence of number one up there, some wise ass kid after realizing that the wet, wet, wet sex made them get the ball will take clever, crazy and brave measures to flush that pregnancy out. Since teenager girls are generally not very clever or knowledgeable in matters of the hard cruel world, they will only afford very cheap abortion in dark taverns assisted by questionable doctors, some of these stupid girls who will be in a panic mode will try to perform the abortions themselves and at home using bitter liquids and sharp objects. Desperate measures or desperate situations you know.
I am sad to report that all these must be blamed on the teachers. We cannot blame the government for the government is, unfortunately or fortunately, an amorphous entity that does not give a shit.
Most of these amateurish abortions will of cause leads to death or permanently ruined wombs and uteruses. So in the future if you find that the pretty girl you married is as barren as a mule, point your finger at the teacher. This is, of cause, not to imply that all the women out there unable to conceive are in their unenviable situation due to a botched abortion, no no. sometimes, as we all know, it is the work of God.
3. Private education businesses will boom
As we are speaking or reading, many a middle class men and women are already buying new kits for their kid as they prepare to take them to private education institutions or academies where only the retarded kids should be admitted.
You know, in those academies, a child is spoon fed education in a manner akin to how he was breastfed by his mother. Now, I am not a subscriber to shitty conspiracy theory but that does not mean I cannot propose one. First it is accepted by all sundry that the Kenyan government is a syphilis infested dick whose aim is to suck our last drop of blood but as philosophers like to say, things can always get worse. I propose, and anyone with balls is free to dispose that the government has conspired with private schools’ owners and they have agreed to let the strike goes on and on until the riot hit unprecedented level which is that level when the teachers are joined in the streets by the parent or the general public.
In the meantime, sissy parent, pussy parents continue to enroll their kids into those posh academies and you can at once see the two direct benefits: the academies get more customers and the government public schools finance load is reduced. I know the sissy parents will say that they only take their kids to the academy because they love them and they want them to have the best education so as to be outstanding citizen later but believe it or not, there is nothing as ugly as taking a child to a private school. You cripple them for life and that it why the fact that some children who were in public school will now be enrolled into private institution is an ugly effect of the teacher’s strike. Do not take our word for it. Research conducted at various universities shows conclusively that privately educated individual while gaining excellent academic qualification scores poor at general life so fuck private schools.
4. Teachers will be hated
I am not saying that teachers are the darling of the society, come-on even I am not such a shameless liar. I am saying that the hate towards the teachers will rise dramatically after all they are the reason you are not having loud sex anymore since the kids are at home. They are the reason you will fail your exams even if you and I know you would have failed anyway since it is not like the entire exam will be based on what you learnt during third term. The striking teachers are the reason you are still a virgin since you can no longer see Jane whom you were so close to boning.
We all of cause hold grudges against teachers who used to flogs us for no good reason. They would beat us for farting in class, for urinating in class, for wanting to have meaningful, intimate and sexual relationship with our classmates. For all those pregnancies and venereal infection that will happen to our children in theses dark times when teachers are on strike, we will blame the fucking teachers. For all those extra expenses we are running in our homes as a consequence of the presence of our pesky kids who eat like gluttonous pigs and use up all the electricity, we will blame the fucking teachers. Is your kid now an addicted drug user? You know who to blame. Give me one reason why we should not hate teachers and I will give you a hundred why we should hate them. I am not preaching hate since as everyone knows, I am not a fascist like some fuckers who hold supreme position in the Kenyan government.
5. Taxes will go up, up up
I hear you say: “what do you mean tax will go up, they are already up and we have been told that Kenyans are the most highly taxed humans in the world” and for that I will refer you to that philosopher who said that things can always get worse, in other words, enjoy now when you are paying peanuts in terms of tax. You see, Kenyan government does not have much going for itself to generate revenue and thus they have to rely on taxes.
Yes, there is oil in turkana but we are yet to start reaping the rewards. That is why Kenya power charges you ten times for the electricity what Ugandans are charged across the border in spite of their asshole dictator. Kenyan government is a worse asshole than all the assholes of government that you know of or have ever heard of because the Kenyan government smile at you benevolently as it fuck you dry. Teachers are many and if they have their way the money they want will come from you and me which gives you more reason to hate teachers. Forget the fact that some of them are your relatives and be reasonable. You will possibly now pay more than half your income to pay the teacher who teaches your kids shit. Oh! By the way does anyone know a teacher somewhere who really wanted to be a teacher? You know, driven by passion; or are teachers the rejects of all other professions? Just asking? And before anyone jumps to the teachers’ defense with their favourite that without the teacher, we would all be shit unable to wipe our nose and our arse-holes,
I say that just a retarded way of thinking. A philosopher once said “if you can’t do it, teach it”
these are one man’s views, what do you think, please leave you thoughts below